![]() I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. "I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of water over waist-deep. I will do my best to work 8 to 3, with a two hour lunch, on normal days, and have my pager and cell phone surgically attached, SO HELP ME GOD. I will come in contact with so many pollutants during my tenure, I will glow in the dark for the rest of my natural life and refer to myself as "salty" because of it. I will perfect avoiding PT at all costs, and do my best to attend training that will give me a great competitive edge in the career field of my choice, making retention efforts of the Coast Guard pointless. I will use most of my time in the Coast Guard to take college classes, and perfect my web surfing abilities, then complain that I work too much. All of my equipment will be discarded Navy property. I will be the red-headed step child to all of the other services, although I know I got the better deal. I will fly in helos into the eye of the storm to rescue people dumber then rocks, and then be heckled by the same people when I bust them for transporting drugs two months later.! I will prevent thousands of gallons of pollution, but be accused of impeding the economy when I won't allow vessels to pour oil into the ocean. I will work on boats the size of kayaks and small yachts during the worst of natures storms, and recieve no thanks or notice form the public. ![]() I understand that atleast twice a day, someone will refer to me a member of the Air Force or Navy, and when I correct them, they will question my military status. ![]() However, I swear to defend our position as the fifth branch of the Armed Services, although at one point we were under the Department of Homeland Security. "I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES COAST GUARD because I know being in the real military scares me. ![]()
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